


Neglect

by Haechannieislife



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Guanlin-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-18 10:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11872545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haechannieislife/pseuds/Haechannieislife
Summary: There's only so much Guanlin can take. Honestly he wishes he had never made the top 11, all he wants is someone to pay him attention, to treat him like the maknae, to treat him how they treat Daewhi. If something doesn't change he's going to reach breaking point.





	1. 1/2

I wish I had never gotten into Wanna One. I sound so ungrateful but it’s the truth, I don’t like being here. I’m not close with any of the Hyungs; if I’m honest I think they think my Korean is far worse than it is. They often have conversations around me, assuming that I won’t understand, when as a matter of fact my Korean is pretty good, especially in terms of understanding. I could handle it if it meant that they babied me instead, but they don’t, everyone treats Daewhi like the maknae. I like him alot, but it’s not fair. I’m the youngest but it’s like I’m invisible. It hurts my feelings, especially when I don’t get asked for an opinion on things affecting all of us. Even if it’s something as simple as where we’re eating dinner, it doesn’t feel too great to not even get a say. It’s hard not to feel invisible sometimes, and that can get really lonely. I don’t know very many people in Korea, and the few friends I have, either back at Cube or made on the programme are uncontactable as we don’t have access to our mobiles right now. Both my teachers and classmates ignore me at school, so I guess I do feel quite lonely at the moment. It can get quite awkward in the dorm, so I prefer to stay in my room. I know the other school age members use the desk in the living room to complete schoolwork, but it would only comfortably seat four, so I just use my bed or the floor next to it instead. I’m sure if I asked they would happily make space, but I just can’t bring myself to ask. They have a system going, I don’t want to disrupt that. I guess one of the reasons I’ve seen such an improvement in Korean is the fact that studying it is literally the only thing I have to do in my spare time. We’re not allowed to leave the dorm on our own, and I never get invited to the corner shop runs that always seem to last two hours, so studying is how I pass the time. 

One evening I decided to venture outside the safety of my room to make some tea, and Daewhi was seated at the table. We smiled in greeting but then kept to ourselves. By the look of things, Daewhi was on washing up duty that evening, as he was drying the vast collection of mugs gathered on the counter. Just as I was about to switch on the kettle, I heard a smash. I spun around to see shards of mug on the floor, but it was only as I rushed forward to pick them up that I noticed it was Sungwoon Hyung’s favourite, one gifted to him years ago by a member of his group. The loud noise caused the above mentioned along with Woojin Hyung to run in. The former freezing upon seeing his beloved mug smashed on the ground. Before I can even begin to explain he starts shouting at me, full on screaming, calling me stupid and useless. It really hurt my feelings, but before I can retaliate Daewhi had apparently snapped out of where he had been frozen in his seat. “It wasn’t his fault Hyung, I broke it, he was just helping me clean up. I’m really sorry, it was an accident don’t yell at him please,” he got out in a rush, before promptly bursting into tears. Sungwoon seems at a loss for words, looking at both myself on the ground and a crying Daewhi. He automatically rushes forward to comfort him, pulling him into his arms. “I’m sorry for assuming it was you Guanlin-ah,” he says as he pulls Daewhi to his feet. “Clean this up for me yeah, i’ll make it up to you,” is all that’s said before they leave the room. I just sit there for a few seconds, letting the events of the past couple of minutes sink in. I begin to resume my clear up mission, but it’s made difficult by the tears welling up, blurring my vision. I don’t realise they’ve begun to spill down my cheeks until Woojin is by my side, trying to comfort me. I let him pull me into his arms, enjoying the feeling of being comforted, even if it doesn’t take away the pain at being yelled at for no reason. “I’ll talk to him later Guanlin, don’t you worry, it wasn’t right of him to call you names like that, no matter the situation.” I just cry harder at the injustice of it all, but I appreciate the sentiment. Once I’ve calmed down, we finish sweeping up the mess and Woojin Hyung insists on making my tea for me. He even sits with me until I finish it. It’s so nice to have someone voluntarily spend time with me, that I ignore the fact that it’s out of pity.

The incident is pretty much forgotten about, until a few nights later, when Nu’est got approval to visit. I know they were primarily there to see Minhyun, but from the minute they arrive I stay glued to Dongho Hyung’s side. To his credit he just lets me snuggle against him the entire time. I catch Jonghyunnie Hyung looking fondly at as, but I also see the slightly confused glances the members of Wanna One are throwing our way. Due to schedules and various other plans, the only ones there are Jisung, Daniel, Seongwoo, Jaewhan and of course Minhyun. I know it sounds stupid, but I can’t help but feel relieved that Sungwoon Hyung isn’t there. Thing is I know that he’s incredibly nice, and probably just snapped in that moment, but I’ve found myself avoiding him the past few days. That doesn’t matter now though, Dongho Hyungie is here. I feel myself getting tired, but I try to ignore it, not wanting to waste any of this precious time. “Guanlinnie are you getting tired?” he asks me gently. I shake my head in denial, snuggling even closer. “It’s getting past your bedtime baby,” he jokes gently, and I find myself giggling even as I worm myself into his lap. “Alright, alright I’ll just cuddle you then shall I?” I like the sound of this plan. I find myself drifting off slightly, but am jolted awake by the words, “ah it’s getting late, we should probably head off,” No no no no. They can’t leave, Hyung can’t leave me, I’ll have to go back to being lonely again. I find myself clinging tightly to the older, as if it’s the tightness of my grip will stop him from leaving. “I don’t want to go either Guanlinnie, but we need to get home. I’ll see you soon,” Dongho tries to reassure me, as he moves to stand up. I immediately burst into tears. He looks at me in surprise, but I can’t bring myself to explain, instead just continue crying. He sits straight back down, pulling me closer to him. I just cry harder, burying my face in his neck. No one seems to quite know what to say. “What’s the matter sweetheart?” Minki Hyung asks, moving forward to rub my back soothingly. “I...I don’t want you to le...e...eave,” I stutter out through my sobs. “We’ll come back,” he soothes, “ you have lots of Hyungs here, these ones are much nicer than silly old Dongho.” “Noooo,” I whined, burying further into my new chair, “I want Dongho Hyungie who’s nice, not them.” Everyone seems quite confused, and I hear rather than see Jonghyun ask Jisung “have you guys not been looking after your maknae? He's only 16.” The responses range from guilty to confused. In the end I cry myself out, but before I can fall asleep, I hear Dongho angrily remind them that I am young and alone in a foreign country, and it is their job to look after me. “It's clear he doesn't trust you, if I'm being honest he seems a bit scared of a few of you,” Minki chimes in, still rubbing my back soothingly. It would make sense,he always did take it on himself to look after the youngest members on produce. Dongho Hyung kisses my forehead, and promises me that he will keep an eye on me. I’ve calmed down enough to let him take me to bed, and the last thing I remember before falling asleep was the elder tucking me in, something that I haven’t experienced since coming to Korea.


	2. 2/2

After a fitful sleep, I stumbled into the living room to find Jaewhan Hyung already awake. “Morning Guanlinie, come and sit down with me for a sec.” I gingerly sat down on other end of sofa, looks uncomfortable. “It's ok, I don't bite, come closer,” he tells me, holding an arm out for me to slide into. I end up just leaning against Jaewhan. “I’m sorry I didn't look after you properly,” he says, looking into my eyes. I’m not quite sure where this came from, as Jaewhanie Hyung has actually been quite nice to me, the only issue is that he was also equally nice to everyone younger than him. “Hyung’ll look out for you from now on, I promise.” I feel Hyung begin to stroke my hair, and I let my eyes fall shut, not really asleep, just dozing. After a few minutes I hear Minhyun and Seongwoo enter, but I don’t really feel like facing them right now, so I keep my eyes shut. They ask Jaehwan I told him anything. Hyung tells them how I didn't seem that comfortable being close to him at first, and that he apologised. “How long has he been sleeping here?” “Not that long, maybe 10 minutes or so? “That's going to hurt his back, Guanlinnie wake up,” it’s Seongwoo who shakes me gently. I whine, half asleep, and cuddle more into Jaewhan. “Come on baby get up for Hyung,” Seongwoo coos gently, stroking my hair. Maybe the problem was that I was acting too mature. I don’t want this attention to come to an end. I let out a whiny noise as I open my eyes, then cling to Seongwoo. I let him pet me for a couple of minutes, and then he picks me up to take me back to bed. He even tucks me in. I end up going back to sleep. 

I wake up a few hours later to find my room empty. For the second time that morning I stumble out of my room in search of the others. I enter the living room to find Sungwoon and Jisung in conversation, but they stop as soon as they see me. “Hey Guanlinnie, did you sleep well?” Jisung Hyung asks me. I nod in response, shuffling awkwardly on the spot. “I’m so sorry for yelling at you Guanlin. It wasn’t right, even if you had broken my mug. Will you accept my apology?” Sungwoon asks me, holding out a stuffed toy. It’s a frog, a stuffed frog. I automatically reach for the toy, eyes lighting up in glee. He hands it over happily, and I clutch it to my chest. I thank Sungwoon Hyung. “Now I have a toy in Korea,” “What do you mean? Do you not have any teddies?” Jisung asks “No they're all in Taiwan, there was no room to bring them,”tone sad, “but now I have Mr.Froggie” I tell them happily, holding the toy close. “Do you mean that you haven't had any teddies this whole time?” I shake my head in response. “Seonho used to lend me one of his, but I didn't want to take it from him when we moved in here. But it's ok, now I have a friend here,” I tells him, clutching Mr.Froggie closer. “Do you not have friends here in Korea?,” Jisung asked gently. “I have Seonho, and some trainees in Cube, but I don't get to see them any more,” I tailed off, sounding sad again. “What about at school?” “Nobody there likes me,” I said, looking even sadder. “Are they mean to you poppet?” Jisung prodded, moving to put an arm around me. “They just ignore me, they don't do anything,” I tells the elder, cuddling into him. “They're just jealous,” Jisung tells him. I shrug, clutching my stuffed toy close. “What about us?” Sungwoon asks gently. “You're all Hyungs, it's different,” I replied. “What about Daewhi?” “Daewhi has lots of friends, besides we don't really talk much.” By this point I must have become visibly uncomfortable, so instead of pushing the point further Jisung just tucked me further under his arm, and asked if I would like any help with my homework. “I don't get given the homework; my teachers say that there is no point, as it's not like I'll be in when it's due.” “Sweetheart, do you not like your school? We can put you in a different one of you want?” “You can do that?” I replied, surprised. “Of course, if they're mean to you, then we’re not going to make you go, that's not right. You can't learn properly in a place like that.” “Is that what you want Guanlinnie?” Jisung asked. I just nodded, burrowing further into his side. “We'll sort it, don't you worry.” “Maybe we can transfer you to Jinyoung’s school, he likes it there. He can also keep an eye on you then, and you can go to him if you have any problems,” Sungwoon said, “we'll speak to Management later, but I can't see it being an issue.” “Thanks Hyungs,” I replied, eyes downcast. It feels so nice to have someone take care of me, to listen to my problems that I feel my eyes begin to water. Before I could blink back the tears, Sungwoon cupped my face in his hands and gently tilted my chin upwards to face him. “What's with all this crying hmm?” He asked, brushing away the now leaking tears away with his thumbs. In turn that just caused more tears to spill over my cheeks, and I let out a distressed sounding noise before beginning to properly cry. I felt myself be steered over to the couch, and pulled down to sit in Sungwoon’s lap. Sungwoon cradled me like a baby, humming a soothing tone as he rocks us both gently back and forth. I haven’t felt this feeling of warmth and safety in a long time, so I let myself soak it up, letting go of all the hurt and frustration. 

My crying caused the other members to gather, before frantically asking Jisung and Sungwoon what happened. They simply reply that they don't know, and we'll have to wait and see when I calms down. However, I am in no hurry to stop crying, not wanting the warm arms to leave. A few minutes pass before I feels a sinking weight on the sofa next to me. I turned my head to look at the newcomer, and am met with Minhyun Hyung. “Guanlinnie, what's the matter?” My face just scrunches up as more tears escape. “Baby it's ok, you can tell me, has...has someone been hurting you?” I immediately shake my head, with presumably a look of shock on my face. “Are you sure? Because you've been acting off the past few days.” “You hurt me Hyung.” “What? What do you mean? Did I hurt you at dance practice? Oh my God are you injured?” Minhyun panicked. “All of you hurt me,” is the only answer given, before I turn back into Sungwoon's shoulder to cry some more. I can sense the looks of confusion and concern being exchanged above my head, but I can't find the energy to address them just yet. Instead of pushing for an explanation, Minhyun simply lets his hand rest on the small of my back, rubbing circles as Sungwoon continues to rock me gently, and after a few minutes I’ve cried myself out. I am shifted, still seated on Sungwoon's lap, to face the rest of the group. “Guanlinnie, what did you mean when you said we hurt you?” “You ignored me, I was lonely,” I tell them, eyes on the floor. “Hey, it's ok to be honest with us, we won't be angry,” Daniel told me kindly. “I felt lonely because nobody looked after me, you all love Daewhi but you don't love me,” I explain, eyeing Daniel hesitantly. “What do you mean we don't love you?” “You don't show me love, just yelling.” “When did we yell at you Guanlin?” “Sungwoon Hyung did.” I feel the named stiffen beneath me, and I curl in on myself in defence. Sungwoon is quick to comfort me, moving to hold me closer, “it's ok Guanlinnie, nobody is going to get angry.” I shift to face Sungwoon before telling him, “it made me sad.” “Sweetheart I'm sorry, that wasn't right of me,” is the reply given, along with a kiss to my temple. “Have we not been looking after you properly?” Jisung leans forward to ask me. He's met with a shrug. “It's ok to be honest with us,” Seongwoo admonishes gently. “No, you haven't,” I finally admits before bursting into tears once more. I am scooped out of Sungwoon's grasp up and into Daniel’s arms. I wind my legs around the elder’s middle, and let's myself be held. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” Daniel murmurs. “What have we done?” Seongwoo asks out loud, sounding devastated. “I can't believe we didn't realise, it was practically spelled out for us, yet we didn't clock that we were the problem,” Jisung replies. Daniel just shifts me further up onto his hip, as I continue to cry into his neck. “Hey, hey it's okay, there's no need to cry, I'm here,” Daniel soothes, rubbing my back gently. It takes a few minutes, but eventually my sobs are reduced to sniffles. Daniel attempts to put me down, but at the distressed noise I accidentally let out, he is quick to rectify it, rocking me gently to calm me down. In the end, Jaehwan comes over to detach us, managing to gently coax me to sit down next to him on the sofa. “Why are we so upset?” he probes gently. “I don't know, I just feel emotional,” I tell the group, cuddling closer to Jaehwan. “We promise that we won't let you get left behind again, and I am so sorry for not realising you were feeling like this,” Jisung reassured, crouching down in front of the pair, a comforting hand on my knee. I feel safe in the knowledge that things will begin to change for the better.


End file.
